In part one of this topic: betrayal. I wrote about what I had come to understand about being betrayed and the understanding I had to arrive at; in order for me to overcome the sense of trust lost.
In this part, I wanted to discuss the aftermath of picking up the mess and moving forward, and how things only make sense when we choose to move forward and treat such painful opportunities as a (very steep) learning curve. An opportunity for growth.
Let’s begin –
No one really told me that, just because you can rationalise your emotions, it does not mean that the heart receives the same message. The art of self forgiveness is a journey full of uncomfortable truths. One being of which – I had to acknowledge the fact that I too had a part to play in my own misgivings.
The fact that I ignored the very (GLARING) red flags that were being presented, but chose to continue to trust. When I look back on it, I grieve for such foolishness. On the other hand, I have also forgiven myself for trying to earn trust in the wrong hand/s. These were very bitter lessons indeed, but what came out of all that mess was the ability to move slower and observe more. Like a sniper waiting for the right opportunity to move.
I have not lost faith in humanity, because I have not meant every human being on this planet. I am just more cautious.
Pain was not designed to harden the heart, but to reveal where I needed to work on my own weaknesses.
These events were such humbling experiences that revealed the state of my heart. The pain, trauma, needs and my own self betrayal for the tiny chance of acceptance.
This is where the healing began –
When I took accountability for my own questionable choices. When I decided that life was pursuing despite road blocks, it gave me courage to chase a dream of living life to its fullest.
It is only when you go through the journey of such, can I honestly say with much sincerity that – pain is not the end of us. It is the beginning of many things waiting to blossom beneath the soil of fear, doubt and thoughtless inflictions.
Being my own harshest critic was not helping my own cause. It was holding me back and engulfing my mind with anxiety. Either way, the choices were less than desirable. However, the path of action towards something fruitful despite many heartbreak hills is still a better choice than to sit in my own rage.
Freedom is not cheap. It requires us to make sacrifices that are not found in comfort and warmth.
A ruminating Heart 