The greatest versions of ourselves are resting in places of hurt and pain. But, too many would rather carry the hurt, than to see the purpose.
Yes, pain. Even betrayal has its reasons.
When I met Frankie, at first sight, she would have been the ideal friend that you hope for. Helpful, seemingly kind and warmly invites you into the fold.
All that is glitters is not gold.
As I later found out, not everyone plays out of the same rule book. Just because you’re intentions are good, does not mean that it cuts both ways.
The people who are going to wrong you, aren’t always aggressive or hostile. More times than not, they are generous and (on the surface) really pleasant. You naturally gravitate towards them.
We all yearn for some form of deep connection.
In the city that I live in, developing genuine friendships can feel like trying to win first prize lottery. So I thought I had met a kindred spirit.
Well, this is where I was wrong. What I perceived, versus what someone else perceives are two different things.
I went into the acquaintanceship blind. That’s the reality. I saw what I wanted to see and (evidently) ignored the rest of the details. When I replayed some of the details of our first meeting, all the clues were there. The clenched jaw, the stiff and tense smile that should have warned me of how she felt about me. But no, I didn’t register that information.
There is a part of me that blames myself for not being switched on enough to spot it. (How could I have missed such an obvious sign?) Whatever it was, I missed it.
But pain, especially betrayal, is never without a purpose.
There is always a lesson for us to learn, to grow from. To strengthen us from the future storm. We cannot live in comfort and grow. To find the best versions of ourselves requires a level of risk. The greatest maturation are always coupled with some form of pain. Pain and growth are not mutually exclusive.
You can’t have one without the other.
My interaction with Frankie has taught me a lot. Sometimes, we have to experience certain situations or circumstances to be more compassionate and empathetic. Without first hand experiences, how can one be truly understanding of another struggling soul?
And whilst I have chosen to keep my distance with Fankie, it does not mean that I am completely healed.
Just like a cyclone, there is always clean up. This is the tricky part, because the clean up is like opening up Pandora’s box. You just never know what you’re going to find?
But it is worth it. Because the alternative is to harbour resentment that robs you of peace and joy. Either way, it’s a choice that needs to be made.
What seems difficult, is the very thing that will give us life.
And making tough choices is not a single thought, it is … a desperate struggle to free yourself from the angst and the immense pain that will not budge. The only way is to be patient and gentle with ourselves. Trying to break old habits is hard to do.
It takes faith. Faith in ourselves that we are worth the effort. And we all are.
That someone else’s affliction is not a burden we were meant to carry.
One thing Frankie said to me in passing, during one of our conversations “You know what?” she leans in “I always say to my son, you can never trust people”
Hindsight has a way of bringing so much clarity. I suppose that was why she could so easily betray another person’s trust. And even though, the lesson/s are painful; the message is equally powerful.
*name have been changed to protect the integrity of the person in this post.
My name is Nutchi. A reformed people pleaser and a collector of human stories. I chronicle events that have shaped my path to healing and share them. Through sharing stories we find a common ground, hope, inspiration and ultimately, healing.
Thanks for visiting, and I hope you found what you are looking for.
A ruminating Heart 