As May comes to an end, I reflect on the seconds, hours and days this month has bought me. Apart from the everyday things of life, pay my car insurance and all that other good stuff like: catching a cold and acquiring a lingering cough that won’t leave my body, and having people look at me like I have Covid.
Public announcement: I don’t have Covid. I did home testing, for the safety of humanity at large. But my cough makes me sound like I do. Sighs
But on a more serious note, I have been battling with an authentic writing voice. You see, as a reformed people pleaser, I am trying to find a comfortable voice to appease the internet mass! Like … who am I kidding?
And I … I have come to a place where I just write.
Write from a place familiarity and not with my anxious head. I can’t write a certain way and be a certain thing? Giving up on the idea of what should be?
For the love of God (I notice I use this phrase quite a bit in my writing. Sorry God) I don’t even know who I am speaking to, and who will even bother to read my work? And I am losing my mind over the unnecessary details *sighs*. So, I am … just writing.
But on a more cheerful note!
I managed to get on my kayak and go fishing. That’s always a plus for me. But not as many days as I would have liked. Because the weather in my corner of the world has been so sad. It cries and buckets down with rain, every time I go pack and prepare my yak for water.
Can we hold back those atmospheric tears for just a moment? Like … PLEASE.
But the weather God was a little kinder to me yesterday. I bought out the sun and the glassy gin like water and kayaking felt pleasant. It didn’t make me feel like a refugee floating in the middle of a big body of water, bobbing up and down, looking like I needed rescuing.
I also managed to get (a little)fishing in. Ah! That was … dare I say, frustrating.
I did catch A fish. One. And Gosh, the 21cm aquatic Bream looked like my pet parrotlet Otis. Small fat and chunky. It was so cute.
A young and solid lil yellow fin Bream.
My tiny missile cherub parrotlet: Otis
But yesterday’s fishing was fraught. The fish felt like tinder dates. Flaky and non committal. Lethargic to boot.
In saying so, I like being on the water. It calms the mind. I put box breathing to the test and I was amazed at how good this breathing technique works.
Fishing – can be a really fun and frustrating sport. What do you do with all that time, when you are catching nothing? That’s when I chose to put this breathing technique into place, before I lost my cool.
I talk about fishing, not because I am obsessed with it, but it is surprising how the sport imitates life.There is so much knowledge to gain from this past time.
That’s my recap of May.
Learning to be ok in your skin and in your craft takes letting go of what you think something should be, and allowing the process to unfold as you step into the uncomfortable zone.
Side stepping into June:
In June, I will be documenting a multi part series about my time in the Borneo Jungle (Indonesia), learning to fish. Yep, you heard right. This was the first time I learnt to fish and the misadventures that happened in the unforgiving jungle.
Some mindset lessons I learnt being in the wild, without any mod cons.It was truly an eye opening experience. Though I am not sure I want to add it to the holiday repertoire. But I didn’t regret the adventure.
Stick around and join me as I recall all the things that just went … sideways. Hope to see you on the other side!
A ruminating Heart 