Photo/image: courtesy of India TV news
This is an open heart letter: about the realities and the aftermath of a laid off person and the effects it has on a person, and what I learnt about trying to support them through the dark days.
It would be just a little over a year that my partner got laid off from his tech job. It came as sudden as the rain on a sunny day. He was due to fly to the US for SKO (sales kick off), and the funny thing was, he was looking for every which way not to fly (for whatever reason) he did not want to go to the SKO that year. It was in Minnesota and the poor tropical pup couldn’t handle that much coldness. Plus, it was a 20+ hours flight including any wait time at airports.
During this time, United airlines flying from Australia were having some serious mechanical issues. The flight prior to San Fran had an emergency landing in American Samoa. He was convinced his United Airlines flight to Minnesota via San Francisco was going to fall out of the sky (sigh).
Hindsight. Everything in hindsight is just so much more clearer. He must’ve had the layoff omen. Only … he didn’t know it was that.
It was Friday 10th February, just over a year. This particular morning, he was alerted to have a meeting with his boss (including HR) and when HR gets involved, we know what that means?
His former boss (God bless his heart) tried to cushion the blow, and gently let him know that he will be let go, not because of performance, but “economic reasons”.
I knew this was going to be a long slog. People (during this period) were getting laid off left, right and centre. How long is it going to take him to find another job? And how long will the severance pay last?
There were so many questions running through our heads, my head was spinning, I was quite sad for him and the first six months proved to be an absolute hell. One rejection after another, or just pure ghosting from recruiters and companies.
His mental health got an absolute beating.
I watched him try and try. Struggling at every corner and having him wonder where he went wrong in his job search and plagued with self doubt and money dwindling at the rate of a concourse jet fuel tank.
And when you’re his partner, trying to support him, it can feel very daunting. Here is what I come to learn:
They don’t need your added concerns. I know this seems obvious for an outsider, but when you are fighting the fear and doubt with them, it is easy to get swept up in the “I need to fix him” and “find him a solution” mode. It’s an automatic response. Secretly, a part of you does not want to have to deal with that uncertainty and anxiety as well.
But there is no real benefit in adding pressure and worries to an already pressurised situation.
What he wanted is hope. For hope is the life source of all dark moments. When everything around you is so uncertain, if someone can offer a ray of sunshine in the midst of the emotional and psychological bedlam. Then, that is enough.
Sometimes, doing nothing is doing everything
This one goes against any personal ethos that I adhere to. But it is the thing that is so needed. In this instance, my partner needed the head space to think and do whatever sorting he needed to do in his head. Going into mother hen mode was only going to bring about a series of unnecessary arguments. Those stuff under any circumstances don’t go down well but times like these – Yep! You guessed it! Might end up a cha cha cha to the police station. I suppose that would be a cheap date night (I guess?)
Most crucial is: letting him indulge in his hobbies. It may seem like a waste of time, but honestly, this is the cheapest and most productive form. Otherwise, you’ll end up being his personal shrink on tap (that’s worse) IMHO.
Lastly, have compassion. I know I don’t always understand all of his emotions, but sometimes, not being in control and not constantly finding a solution is the solution. Trust is paramount. It gave him the confidence to face another uncertain day. Those uncertain days (at the end of the day) will too, come to an end.
A ruminating Heart 